Wednesday, August 20, 2008

He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us,
more potent, nay, more present than the living man.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Six years ago this evening, at 8:08 p.m., my father died.

Sometimes when I think about the time that has passed, it seems like a lifetime ago, like he was never really here at all. Other times, it feels like he just walked out of the room.

I've written about it before, but I really do feel that both my mom and I have a strong handle on his death, and really death in general. He is now free of pain, discomfort and angony that the cancer caused. Free of worrying about his company, the bills to be paid, what to cook for dinner and if his family was safe.

He is at total peace.

Just stinks for us who are left! But I know that he hasn't really missed the milestones in my life, like graduating with my master's degree, he saw it all (and didn't have to wait in the Florida April heat for the arena shuttle bus).

He was an avid golfer and always tried to get me to play with him. We often joke that he sent Nick, a golf professional, for fun so I'd be around golf the rest of my life! I know he knows Nick, how much he loves me and will have the best seat in the house at our wedding.

Nick is so much like my father, his dry sense of humor, kind heart and calmness that keeps me grounded. Now I'll have to get him to wear argyle socks all the time like my father did!

We recieved a piece from my mother's friend when he died that I still read often and pass along as often as I am able. I'd like to share it with you and hope you'll do the same.

I have only passed on to the other side.
I am me, and you are you.
What we were to each other, we still are.
Call me the name you have always called me.
Speak to me as you always have.
Don’t use a different tone.
Don’t be solemn or sad.
Keep laughing at the things we used to
laugh at together…
Pray, smile, think of me, and pray with me.
That my name will be said at home,
just as it always has
Without emphasis, without a trace of a shadow.
Life still signifies what it has always signified.
It is what it was always been;
the thread has not been cut.
Why should I be out of your thoughts?
Simply because I am out of your sight?
I am not far away,
just on the other side of the path…
You see, everything is okay…
You’ll rediscover my heart;
you’ll rediscover my pure love.
Dry your tears,
and don’t cry if you love me.

St. Augustine

3 comments:

Rachel said...

Thinking of you today...even after six years, it's always hard, and I know that this year will probably be one of the hardest for you with your upcoming wedding.

A Texas Gal said...

Thank you for sharing this. I do believe that your dad is always with you. :) and he is smiling that you are golfing!

Lauren said...

I am thinking of you. The poem that you shared was beautiful.

 
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